Dawning Emotions
by Merit Somnia
Summary: Soujirou after his battle with Kenshin. His beliefs are broken and shaky new ones have taken their place. Soujirou is just trying to cope. Final Chapter Up! [COMPLETED]
1. In the Forest

Chapter One  
  
Soujirou Seta swayed, stepped forward on one foot as he did so. Shakily bring a trembling hand to his forehead, he wiped away some sweat. He took a large breath and felt his head spin.  
  
It seemed that his wounds from fighting with the Battousai were hindering him. He should have rested. But some things had seemed more important at the time.  
  
The trees around him were moving. This was strange. Leaning against a tree he felt his legs weaken. He should rest. When was the last time he has slept? It was so long ago? Was it? So much had happened. So much...  
  
The Battousai. No. He shook his head. Kenshin Himura. Was different from other people. He was good. He believed in people.  
  
The moon shone serenely above him. One no two moons? He blinked. He felt dizzy. The world around him was moving peculiarly. Was it supposed to tilt and twirl like that? Soujirou shook his head bringing more waves of dizziness.  
  
Was everything supposed to be turning so dark? Were the trees really falling like that? The shadows...  
  
Today had been strange, Soujirou decided. So maybe all of this was happening.  
  
The last thing he thought before he slipped into the waiting darkness. The hair was like blood. Will there be more blood shed by my hands?  
  
*** *** ***  
  
A flash of red and he was instantly awake.  
  
Soujirou felt warm. He could faintly hear a tinkling of water. He was lying down. There was a person near him. He perceived this in an instant. He wasn't an assassin for nothing.  
  
Soujirou was aware of the person's eyes on him. The person shifted slightly and Soujirou heard the rustling of a kimono. A faint fragrance was in the air. All he could tell was that it was flowery. But what flower... One he didn't recognize.  
  
Through the few perfumes he could recognize were related to his former vocation. He didn't have much knowledge with women's perfumes, except that one time when he spilled Yumi's perfume. Perfume... the person was a she or similar to Kamatari then.  
  
Soujirou opened his eyes. His vision was blurry. The light hurt his eyes. He could see a shadow figure. Blinking a couple of times, it all came clear.  
  
A young firm female face looked down on him. She was wearing a dark blue kimono with a teal and cream obi. Her black hair was pulled back into a strict bun. Cool eyes stared at him.  
  
"I see you are awake," she reached out, unclasping her hands from her lap and rested a hand on his forehead; her hand swept his hair away from his eyes. "Your fever has broken too. I won't need to call Doctor Endo. You seem to be getting better," the girl smiled slightly. "That is good." She stood up, "Are you hungry? Doctor Endo said you shouldn't eat solids yet. Something about your system or the like. But you can have some miso soup. Would you like some miso sou – Excuse me, I have been rude. My name is Chieko Ryusaki. Might I inquire about yours?" Her cool eyes stared at him more, deeply.  
  
"Um... yes," he nervously answered.  
  
"And?" she questioned, looking at him in a rather bemused fashion.  
  
"My name is Soujirou Seta."  
  
"It's nice to meet you Soujirou Seta. Would you like some miso soup?"  
  
"Um... yes."  
  
"Good!" she stood up and quietly left the room.  
  
Soujirou slowly closed his eyes. He was wondering where he was and why he hadn't asked. It was a good thing he had agreed to miso soup, he was felling hungry. The last time he has eaten was... What day was it? What was he doing here?  
  
And why did he feel so weak?  
  
Things were so confusing...  
  
In one day he had gone from being Shishio's right hand man. Then he had been defeated. By the legendary Battousai Kenshin Himura. He peered around the room. It was tidy and clean. It smelt faintly of pine. The futon he was laying upon had crispness to it. Freshness, he supposed.  
  
In the distance he heard footsteps. They were approaching this room. The room Soujirou was in.  
  
The footsteps paused and the shoji door slid open. The girl was there. Balancing a tray with one hand, the other resting on the door. She turned slightly and closed the door. She returned the hand to the tray.  
  
The girl, Chieko Ryusaki, smiled slightly before returning to her former blandness. Chieko Ryusaki walked the couple of steps to the futon he was laying on and knelt beside him, resting the tray next to him.  
  
"You are still hungry?" she asked questionably. He nodded. "Good!" she then looked puzzled for a moment; "Maybe you should sit up to eat? That would make it easier, I think," she gestured for him to do so and he did. The miso soup smelt delicious.  
  
It was then that he realized that he wasn't wearing any clothes. Soujirou yelped near silently and ducked under the covers.  
  
Chieko Ryusaki stared at him, a puzzled look in her eyes. He was sure as she glance down his pink face and tightly clenched hands holding onto the covers with some force she came to a conclusion on his behavior  
  
Soujirou really didn't know why he was acting this way. Some attempt at modesty, maybe? He had never had those problems in the past. It was probably too late any how.  
  
"Well, I will leave you here to eat in peace. I will come back later for the try. Soon I guess. Goodbye now. Make sure you eat up Doctor Endo said you should gain some weight," she stood up quickly and left the room just as fast.  
  
Soujirou was left alone with a rather appetizing miso soup.  
  
He eagerly dug in, consuming the soup with great relish to the last drop. It really was quite was quite nice! Through some of his contentment and his appreciation to the miso soup could be attributed to the fact that he has, no, had been hungry.  
  
The footsteps were once again approaching. Coming closer. Soujirou gently put down the tray with its empty dish of miso soup.  
  
There was a soft knock. "I'm coming in," was said, then a brief pause before the girl, Chieko Ryusaki entered. She closed the door behind her.  
  
She smiled at the empty dish, "I see you have finished. That is good," she then picked up the tray and turned to leave.  
  
"Miss? Miss Chieko? How did I get here? I don't mean to be rude but," Soujirou asked quietly and politely with some hesitation  
  
"I suppose you have the right to know that. I'll answer all the questions to the best of my abilities. Just as soon as I return this tray. I will be back in a moment. Is that all right?" she compromised.  
  
"Yes..."  
  
The girl left the room after opening and closing the door after herself. The footsteps receded.  
  
Soujirou Seta lay back down on the futon and waited for Chieko Ryusaki to return.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
Disclaimer: No I don't own it. Surprised?  
  
AN: I have planned this story so why it seems it might not have a plot it does. This isn't a romance; it will never turn into a romance. This fic is about Soujirou beginning to find himself. It takes place from when he leaves Houji and Anji until he meets up with that old woman that he talks to.  
  
R/R! 


	2. Ever Present Smile

Chapter Two  
  
The futon was actually quite comfortable, Soujirou realized. He shifted against the futon. Nice and thick.  
  
He was feeling full and warm. He sniffed. Maybe not so clean. He really should bathe sometimes soon. Soujirou felt unclean. Dirty even. The garments he was wearing felt a bit too small.  
  
He blushed internally at the thought of his behavior earlier. He hadn't been his best mannered, especially when the people had been very nice. Helping him and feeding him.  
  
Those thoughts were new. He hadn't ever really felt this way before. It was all so strange. What did all these feelings mean? They made him react differently than normal. He felt... anxious? Nervous? He really didn't know.  
  
All these thoughts about people had been arriving since he had fought with Bat– Kenshin Himura. What did they all mean? They confused him to such an extent that his head began to ache, Soujirou didn't particularly like headaches, so he groaned and turned his head down, hiding the room from his sight and entering cool darkness.  
  
The pain abated as quickly as it came. And Soujirou peeked out of his warm cocoon into the fading sunlight, darkness coming of the room he was staying in. Soujirou yawned and briefly closed his eyes. He was feeling tired. It wouldn't matter if he just closed his eyes for a moment, were his rather incoherent thoughts.  
  
Just before he drifted off he heard distant footsteps. Or not so distant footsteps really. The shoji door opened and revealed the girl Chieko Ryusaki.  
  
She stared at him silently, taking in his bleary eyes and tired face. "Soujirou Seta, I think it would be better if you went to sleep. You can ask the questions in the morning. You seem quite tired. It would be for the best if we left the questions until the morning. I think you were just about to fall asleep when I came in here. I do apologize for that. Is it all right for you if we wait until morning?" she asked, a hint of concern in her voice, but her face stayed calm.  
  
Soujirou simply stared at her for a moment, tired mind unable to comprehend this quickly. But when he did, he nodded, "That is fine. I am feeling tired," he said slowly.  
  
Chieko bowed her head in agreement and smiled slightly, "Good. Well good night then," she turned and left the room.  
  
Before she did he so, Soujirou murmured, "Good night," back to her.  
  
Soujirou settled back into the futon. It was warm and full. He also felt quite tired. The questions now that they had been mentioned had surfaced. They were rather persistent.  
  
Digging deeper he ignored them. Just wanting to drift away into the warmth that surrounded him. And the quietness of the dream world.  
  
Soujirou Seta fell asleep  
  
*** *** ***  
  
He was smiling  
  
A quick slash and the body sank to the ground. Crimson liquid shadowed by the dark of the night lest the body.  
  
He was smiling.  
  
The rain was falling around him. On him. On the bodies. On Shishio.  
  
He was smiling.  
  
Tears were falling down his cheeks but he ignored them.  
  
He was smiling.  
  
He woke up suddenly his face twisted into a smile. Tears falling down his face. One hand stretched forwards, gripping the air. He brought that hand slowly to his lap. The tears fell unchecked onto his hands. He tilted his head down and watched them fall. Soujirou took a deep shaking breath and then took another. He began breathing calmer. His nerves were under his tight control again.  
  
A gentle light was entering the room. Yellow and mild. It brought the walls and floor to a shine. The faint sound of water soothed him. He felt calmer. He wiped away his tears leaving his face a light pink. Soujirou sniffed. He was feeling rather thirsty.  
  
Soujirou took another deep breath. He was calm. But he couldn't get rid of those images in his head. His family... They just wouldn't go away! Why wouldn't they go away? Deep breaths. Calmness is good. Calm calm calm calm. All he had to do was be calm and everything would be all right. The images wouldn't go away!  
  
Everything would be fine as long as the images went away. But how did that happen? Maybe Kenshin Himura would have the answers. But he might add another ten years to his wanderings. Soujirou thought that ten years was quite enough.  
  
Maybe in ten years the images would be gone? The wandering must make the images go away. That must be the reason why Kenshin Himura wanders. Soujirou nodded his head. That must be the reason why he wandered for so long. For the memories of his times as a manslayer. He wandered for ten years. Soujirou frowned. Was there a connection? So many years of killings per year you wandered? Or was it how many you killed per year you wandered?  
  
Soujirou sighed. This was all so confusing. Kenshin Himura had shaken up his thoughts. He didn't know which way or what he should be doing. Was it meant to be so confusing? Soujirou didn't think that Kenshin Himura had meant for this to be confusing – but it was!  
  
So caught up in thoughts about whether or not it was how many years of killing of people per year of wandering or if it was how many people you killed per year of wandering, he didn't notice the door open and shut. Or Chieko sitting next to him and her patient if confused stare. But finally he came to attention when a hand was waved in front of his face quickly.  
  
Soujirou blinked and looked at Chieko with bewilderment. She simply raised an eyebrow.  
  
"I've brought some tea. Would you like some?" she asked. Soujirou nodded. Chieko poured some tea into a cup and handed the cup to him. He accepted with another nod and a quite, "Thank you."  
  
Chieko poured herself some tea and they quietly sat there sipping tea for a calm and peaceful moment. Chieko put down her and looked at him expectantly.  
  
Soujirou was put off by this slightly and asked, "What?" he really didn't have a clue why she was way. Everything was so confusing lately.  
  
She made an amused sound then said, "Questions? You wanted some answers I assume." She shook her head and smiled slightly, her eyes distant.  
  
"Oh! Yes... some explanations would be confirming," understanding had come quickly to Soujirou.  
  
"Good. You want some answers? Just ask away!"  
  
*** *** ***  
  
Disclaimer: nope  
  
AN: This chapter wasn't supposed to be here. I had this chapter where they had the questioning time but then I had to explain things and this chapter appeared. I could have made it longer but in this story the chapters will only be around a thousand words or a bit over, most are over. I have chapter three written out but just have to type it up and four is halfway done. Expect three with in the next two weeks. Thank you to the people who reviewed! 


	3. Mirror Mirror on the Wall

**Chapter Three  
**  
"How did I get here? The last thing I remember is trees..." Soujirou was frowning with thought. He was looking at the calm figure of Chieko.  
  
"That's an easy question to answer. My elder cousin found you in the woods not too far away from here. What he was doing out there at that time, I don't know," she shook her head despairingly, lips pursed in a thin line. She obviously disapproved of that.  
  
"You have a cousin?" Soujirou asked, curious.  
  
"Yes I do. Several in fact. They can be so annoying sometimes. Sometimes! All of the time." She let this out in an angry burst. "I live here with my Aunt and Uncle since my Father died. Say, do you have any brothers or sisters? I don't. I wish I had a sister. I think brothers would be like my cousins so I don't want one. I think a sister would be much better than having a brother, or a cousin," she smiled wistfully here, and for some moment stared off in the distance longingly.  
  
Soujirou stared at her; amazed at all the emotions but gave a start when she gave him a pointed look "Y-yes, I did. But they died when I was a child..." he trailed off.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry," she then leaned forward and peered into his face and scanned his body, "How old are you anyway? You don't seem that old. Quite young really. Near my age. Not that old at all," she said rather abruptly, surprising him. Surprise?  
  
"I'm seventeen years old. Do I really look that young?" Soujirou had never really noticed his appearance.  
  
"You mean you don't see how young you look?" she was slightly shocked, he really did look quite young. Soujirou shook his head and in an unsuccessful attempt to look at himself, he made himself look quite stupid.  
  
"Well, I suppose you may not have anything to look at yourself or have any comparisons. Is that so?" she asked thoughtfully.  
  
"Yes... I have spent most of my life with adults. I never really thought of looking at myself that much," Soujirou explained, "How old are you?" he smiled slightly as he asked this question.  
  
"Well it's not proper to ask a lady's age," she admonished and Soujirou looked embarrassed. "But I will tell you. I'm fifteen, or I will be in just a couple of days. Isn't that exciting?" she smiled brightly.  
  
"Um... Yes," Soujirou didn't have much experience with birthdays, so he supposed it could be exciting if she said so.  
  
There was silence for a while and then she stood up suddenly, a happy expression on her face, she exclaimed, "I've got it! My mother's mother, my grandmother had a mirror that she left too not to long ago as a gift. I forgot completely about it. I'll go get and you can look at yourself. Is that great? She was grinning down on him.  
  
"Um... Yes," it must be great if she was happy about it. Would she get sad over something happy? Soujirou thought not.  
  
She left the room in quite a rush, the door slamming behind her and her shadow figure waning as she did so. He could hear her hurried footsteps growing more and more distant with every second.  
  
Soujirou felt excited. Or at least that was the feeling that he wanted to feel. He really wasn't that good at figuring out emotions, his or other people's. Everything thing confused him it seemed.  
  
There was a sound of skipping footsteps. It wasn't a sound he could easily recognize but he did. Yumi had done it once. And _never_ again. He had been forbidden to talk about it. Yumi could be strange sometimes.  
  
The door opened revealing a smiling Chieko. In her hand was a small silvery object. She held it up and flashed in his eyes. He blinked at the sudden brightness.  
  
Chieko skipped over then knelt next to the futon he was laying upon and eagerly showed him her mirror. She actually shoved it in face and once again, this time from the suddenness.  
  
"Sorry," she muttered and pulled the mirror back a little before handing him the mirror in a gentle manner. He accepted it and looked at himself in the mirror. It came as a shock even through he didn't show.  
  
He looked different from what he expected. But what did he expect? Soujirou really didn't know. After one last look memorizing his face, every last place and cheek. Eyes and hair. Everything stuck inside his mind; he handed the mirror back to Chieko.  
  
Chieko. It was funny how he was calling her by her first name now. But only in his head. Soujirou wasn't that rude and impolite. Yumi had taught him some manners. Most he couldn't use. He was an assassin. There was no time for manners. Not a time or place for them. It would be rather dangerous if he was always well mannered. But... Now he could try to be better mannered. It would be for the best.  
  
"Anything else you want to know?" Chieko asked, breaking Soujirou from his thoughts.  
  
"I don't know," he didn't know. There was something he should ask he knew that. "Where am I?" that was it.  
  
"You are at my family's residence, just outside of Kyoto. So you live near here? I haven't seen you around these parts. Are you from Kyoto? Your accent is rather strange," so he was near Kyoto.  
  
"I live... near Kyoto. Outside of Kyoto too. But not near here, I do think. So I am not from Kyoto," he really didn't want to explain that just until a few days ago he was the right hand man for a man bent on taking over Japan. It probably wouldn't be the right thing to say. Even Soujirou knew that. He would cause a scene. And from what he had learnt from Yumi, causing a scene was a bad thing to do.  
  
"Oh. Well. That's good, I guess," she paused and Soujirou wondered if there had been something wrong with his answer, "Doctor Endo shall be visiting later today. I have to leave you for some time. I have to do some chores. But if you need me, just call. Is that all right with you?" she asked him.  
  
"That's fine," he could think until then, he had some important thinking to do.  
  
"Are you hungry at all?" she questioned at the door as if just remembering something.  
  
"No. I don't feel hungry at all. The tea must have filled me up." It must have for strangely he didn't feel hungry at all.  
  
"Goodbye then," the door was slid shut and made a gentle tapping sound as it connected with the wood.  
  
Soujirou began thinking. It seemed he would be doing a lot of that soon.  
  
**Disclaimer**: no  
  
**AN**: Thanks to all the people have reviewed so far. The next update won't be to June. I've joined my school debating team, I'm entering some poetry contests and exams are coming up. So I'm going to be busy. After my exams chapters will come out faster. 


	4. Joys

**Chapter Four  
**  
So he lay there thinking, about thinking. He couldn't think anything but thinking. It seemed slightly ridiculous to Soujirou. Hey! That wasn't about thinking... Damn! He just kept thinking thoughts about thinking. It irritated him. His nose irritated him. It was itchy. So Soujirou scratched it. It was no longer itchy. Which was good. Soujirou didn't like itchy noses. They irritated him. So many irritations. What was he to do?  
  
Soujirou was now feeling rather glum. All these irritations couldn't be good for a person. He wasn't having the best start to his journey. Maybe if he actually started to wander then he would have better thoughts. Maybe staying in one place clouded your thoughts. But he had only been here one day and his thoughts couldn't be that clouded already, could they?  
  
So very confusing. His nose itched again. He frowned. Was he nose trying to provoke him into doing something bad by driving him inane with an itchy nose? It did sound rather silly, but... his nose was still itchy.  
  
And his eyes were feeling heavy too. Was he tired so quickly? It must be so for Soujirou was feeling sleepy. He needed to rest. It was amazing how much sleep he seemed to need. He had never seemed to need this much sleep when he was with Shishio. Was it because he had never kept tract of time? Which had irritated Yumi to no end. He had kept tract of time when he had missions to do. But that had been for Shishio, which made it better. Had he slept longer than he had thought? He didn't think so. He would have been told if he had slept for any great lengths.  
  
Sleep was nice, he realized. Restful even. Good then. Sleep was nice and warm and comforting and pleasant... his thoughts trailed off as he drifted into the dream world and the barriers of his own mind lifted.

Soujirou was half awake, half asleep. Encased in warmth. He was in no mood to move, at all. Everything was lovely. He snuggled in deeper.

But noises could be irritating too. He tried to ignore it, but. Just concentrate on sleeping, Soujirou chanted over and over again internally. His mind was waging a war against his ears. The casualties were high and no hostages were to be taken. It was incredibly brutal. But in the end the ears were triumphant.  
  
Soujirou opened his eyes and his eyes nearly popped out in shock! There in front of him was a man. While not that surprising it was the expression on his face. Soujirou didn't particularly like that look that much. It wasn't a nice expression.  
  
The man gave a mad little crackle. Soujirou was used to this. Shishio often liked to laugh. But even he didn't look this insane. What was a former assassin of a mad man to do? It was mystery.  
  
The old, the man appeared to be in his later years, man with drew his face so quickly form his own that Soujirou had some difficulty seeing his features for a moment. But then the face came into sharp focus. Deep scars lay across each cheek. And another disappeared into his light gray kimono. Vivid black eyes drew attention. White hair adorned his head.  
  
He wasn't that old actually, Soujirou realized. It was the white or rather grayish hair that confused you.  
  
The man straightened and pulled back slightly, he then proceeded to smile. Almost immediately his facial expression and whole demeanor changed. He seemed more refined and far less deranged. He was staring calmly down at Soujirou and somehow Soujirou felt that he was the one doing something wrong even through he didn't have any clues in what he had done or hadn't done. All so confusing...  
  
"Hello," the man said rather pointedly, but when Soujirou didn't answer he continued, but with a slightly irritated tone. "My name is Doctor Endo. I have treated your wounds earlier. I did a good job. I am now here to check on them," so this was Doctor Endo.  
  
"Oh! Um... Thank you for treating my wounds. Uh... Is there anything I can do to repay you?" that should do it, Soujirou thought, that was very polite.  
  
"No! I did this for free. I am a man of honor," he exclaimed this while puffing his chest out and smiling condescendingly at Soujirou. Soujirou didn't know what to say. He was speechless.  
  
"Well boy-o," Soujirou cringed at that reference, "Get undressed," Soujirou blinked and reddened. "To check your wounds. I want to see if they are healed up. I didn't think they needed bandages but I did put a salve on. The wounds should be healing nicely." Soujirou understood. It was less embarrassing than he thought. Lately it seemed that he seemed to be hearing thing differently from everything else. It was quite strange. Soujirou had never felt this way before. But it was also confusing. Confusing was a word that he was using a lot since his fight with Kenshin Himura.  
  
As he was thinking this Soujirou was gingerly getting undressed. It was not the most pleasant feeling having those probing eyes stare at you for long periods of time, especially hen you are getting undressed. Because he was unnerved he was making some mistakes with his ties and was fumbling things.  
  
Those eyes... They were the eyes of a samurai. Soujirou had fought many battles and survived them. The man had also fought battles and would know he was a fighter too. As if it wasn't obvious with his wounds and the calluses on his hands. No wonder he hadn't heard his footsteps. The man was trained to be silent. An assassin maybe. Some skills are to embedded to truly go away.  
  
Wait a moment, footsteps... He was hearing footsteps. An another visitor perhaps? This could be exciting, Soujirou thought. Soujirou liked visiting and being visited. It was an unusual feeling. One you wouldn't expect an assassin to have. It was unfortunate that people didn't like being visited by him.  
  
Soujirou was by now mostly undressed and was in the littlest of clothing. But Soujirou was still getting used to emotions and when the shoji door opened to reveal a smiling Chieko to a shocked Chieko to an embarrassed Chieko he was unprepared for the onslaught of emotions.  
  
Emotions might be handy but when you are undressed in a room with the opposite sex this was not the case. **Disclaimer**: You're giving me RK? Wakes up... Sorry just a dream. I don't own RK. Who would have guessed?  
  
**AN**: I updated earlier than expected and I worked hard, my fingers are slightly stiff. I'm looking for a beta reader, anyone interested? Thanks to all the people who reviewed! Please review! 


	5. Threats

Chapter Five  
  
Soujirou was coming to terms with his emotions. Then in one rather embarrassing way, but he was still coming to terms. Actually he had thought that coming to terms would be good. Until this moment.  
  
Chieko's wide eyes trailed down his body and a warm blush raged profusely. Soujirou wasn't sure if this was good but he suspected not.  
  
Her mouth opened slightly and she tries to say something but she doesn't succeed that well. All that was emitted was muffled by her hand, which had been brought to her mouth.  
  
Doctor Endo was laughing. Soujirou wasn't all that pleased at him, not the _least_. And the strange looks he was giving Soujiou were not helping things. Until he figured them out. They turned out to be very helpful indeed.  
  
This was when he began to realize he should have covered himself by now. So using his speed to the fullest advantage, he ducked under the futon's covers. Hiding his face with the still smile on.  
  
But they saw.  
  
The smile was not actually the best thing to do. Doctor Endo and Chieko both felt oddly about it. It wasn't normal behavior. Doctor Endo thought the boy was insane. But he generally thought any one insane on principle alone. Most actually were. It was slightly surprising how many there were. But then again... It was not. And that kid, with that smile would push insanity further.  
  
Doctor Endo was a fan of sake and often his thoughts and actions were often irregular because of it. Irregular being the kind word.  
  
"I... I'll leave now," her face and body disappeared to Soujirou's relief. When the wood connected it made a sharp noise and banged slightly. Footsteps hurried away. Scampered nearly.  
  
Soujirou jumped with fright. A hand had grasped his shoulder. He turned his and looked into the smiling eyes of Doctor Endo. "So mind if I have a look?" Soujirou merely nodded. He thought it best not to say anything at all.  
  
Shrugging off the covers, he stood up. A small smile on his face to hide his embarrassment. It was working rather well. Doctor Endo peered at the slightly swollen pinkish wound. Nodding sharply he turned around and bent over. He could hear some clinking.  
  
Doctor Endo spun around, a light blue glass bottle in his left hand. Motioning for Soujirou to lie down, he pulled out a swab and ever so gently turned the bottle over slightly. A nasty odor wafted from the bottle and instantly Soujirou recoiled, bringing a hand to his nose and screwing his mouth shut.  
  
Because of this he couldn't breathe, as for breathing through his nostrils would be far worse than death itself. Eventually when he was turning blue, he took a huge gulp of air. He began breathing again. Which was good.  
  
"Hmmm... it seems to be doing quite nicely. Indeed. I don't think I need to do anything at all. Always a good thing. You heal quick, boy-o," Soujirou winces. "Very quick indeed." His voice had trailed off as if he was in great thought.  
  
Doctor Endo looked at Soujirou shrewdly and smiled. It didn't make Soujirou very happy but still he smiled ever so slightly back. Sometimes a smile can get you anywhere. This was not one of those times.  
  
"You are a swordsman. Don't deny it. I can tell by the calluses you have. But you are young. Too young to have fought in many battles. With swords at least. I also doubt that you re a policeman. So. Who are you? Chieko tells me your name is Soujirou Seta. Which means nothing to me, I know no Seta's. Who taught you?" Doctor Endo's battle sharp eyes probed Soujirou's smiling, happy eyes. But from his grunt of disappointment, he hadn't found what he was looking for.  
  
"Plus that smile of yours gives me the creeps. And I don't scare easily." Why, Soujirou wondered, did every one have something against his smile? Was it really that bad? So with much effort he reduced his smile to the uplifting of his lips.  
  
This didn't appear to help Doctor Endo's opinion of his smile. In fact it might have worsened it. It might have something to do with the fact that his corners were constantly shifting causing his eyes to react strangely. Things were steadily going downhill for Soujirou.  
  
So he smiled. Just as he always done.  
  
Doctor Endo sighed and shook his head. He had quite a lot of experience with stupid people and ignorant people but this was just plain and simply didn't know any thing at all. He seemed to have no social experience at all and was completely unversed in social manners. He hadn't properly introduced himself! Once again he shook his head. Young people these days, he mused, were so ill mannered to their elders. When I was a boy...  
  
Doctor Endo had retreated into what most young people despise. An adult. He had promised himself that he would never become this. But in the end... It happens to the best of us. Quite sad really.  
  
Soujirou was quite surprised when the man leaned forward putting one hand on his shoulder and in a rather menacing manner squeezed it. His eyes were flashing dangerously. And when he spoke it was a growl, "Listen. I have been hearing that up near that secret shrine there has been a large amount of gatherings and activity during the last five years, especially during the last three. Are you part of this boy? 'Cause if you are..." the threat was clear.  
  
Soujirou took no heed. "No I'm not part of," Doctor Endo's eyes narrowed. "I'm not. I _promise _you." This was the truth. He wasn't part of any activity up at the shrine. At least not now. People can be so forgetful about past and present speech.  
  
"Good," he stood up collecting his supplies, "I hope I never have to see you again." It was the truth. The whole truth. If rather nastily said. The man was rather blunt. "Goodbye." He straightened, walking stiffly to the door and with one last mighty **SLAM** of the door, he was gone.  
  
Soujirou thought that the past time that he spent with Doctor Endo had been very... enlightening. It was a good word. One that was more proper than some of the words Chou would have used and Yumi would have disapproved of which would have invoked more words for Yumi to disapprove of. It was a horrible cycle that Soujirou had witnessed more than once. More than twice, far more.  
  
But however entertaining these thoughts were they were no competition for the hunger of his ravenous stomach. A teenage boy's one too. Quite tragic.  
  
Was that the smell of food Soujirou smelt? He though (_and_ hoped) so.

* * *

Disclaimer: no... I don't own it or are making large amounts of cash. Sorry...  
  
AN: Update! The next chapter should be out in two weeks. Sorry for the slower updates. Thank you to the people who have reviewed, I hope you do so again. My hints as you can probably tell are not the subtlest. R/R! 


	6. Want

**Chapter Six**

He could smell food. He just had to! Soujirou was acting quite irregular. It seemed that his lack of food had affected his thought pattern. If he could smell the food or the food wasn't there. He had to be crazy! There is no explanation! It would be very troublesome to enter the mind of Soujirou Seta.  
  
He could hear footsteps now, he swore it! And they were coming closer. Would it be that strange doctor with his different and violent methods? Or someone else? Soujirou didn't really care as long as they brought food. Edible would be preferable but not necessary. Soujirou on missions had often had to eat food that was inferior and that the majority of people would find repulsive but then again here he was, alive and well. Nearly an adult now. And look at his height... or lack of it really. Soujirou felt that he was in need of a growth spurt and that he needed it.  
  
Whether or not he was going to get it was questionable.  
  
The footsteps stopped; there was an awkward moment, then a hurried quick knock. It was repeated once more. Soujirou tilted his head sideways and stared a smile coming across his face, his already calm faced cleared and when he opened his mouth to speak all of his feelings that had managed to escape for a moment disappeared, they retreated, "Yes?" the door opened a crack.  
  
"Are you... _fully_ dressed?" the voice was Chieko's. There was a nervous feeling around her. Tension was evident.  
  
"_Soon_..." he hastily got dressed," Come in," Soujirou also had the covers right up to his chin. He was taking no chances.  
  
The door slid open more then paused. She wasn't taking any more chances either. The door was eventually open enough to reveal the majority of Chieko. Her eyes struggling to keep their gaze upon him and Soujirou also decided that his hands were really quite interesting.  
  
"I brought you some miso soup. Doctor Endo said you could eat solids now so I brought some rice balls too. Is that all right with you?" she rambled on.  
  
"Yes. That would be fine," be polite! "_Thank you_," he bowed the best as he could.  
  
"It is nothing," she stood up quickly and left. Her once again retreating footsteps skidding and sliding along the hallway.  
  
Soujirou looked at the food. The food was great in a staring contest but could it stand up to Soujirou's stomach? Sadly no.  
  
He should leave soon. He had already overstayed his welcome. Who knew what Doctor Endo might do? Soujirou wanted to be free not locked up in some prison. Standing up he planned his departure. He would leave now, before Chieko came back. It would be for the best if he never returned here.  
  
Treading quietly to the door, he gently slid it open trying to be as silent as possible. If he left without anyone noticing him it would be less confusing for all. For Soujirou.  
  
Sliding the shoji door, as quietly as before, shut. Soujirou crept by the hallways. Eyes open. Ears alert. Senses of all kinds on red alert.  
  
The hallway was of polished wood and branched off in two directions. To Soujirou's right and to Soujirou's left. There was a door just a head. Everything was clean and had a well looked after appearance. Soujirou thought he could smell some type of fragrance. Which he couldn't identify.  
  
He could hear noises in the distance. Activity was going on. If he could just concentrate for a moment maybe he could discern what was going on. Clinking and scraping. The faint sound of waters being poured into more water. They were washing, washing dishes most likely.  
  
Soujirou walked forward. All of this was normal. These people had normal lives. _Happy_ lives. They lived without fear. Soujirou kept on smiling. They didn't worry about killing. It wasn't part of their lives. This was all so very normal to them. They couldn't even think of what he had done. All the _death_... the _sadness_..._ he_ had _caused_. Sadness wasn't part of the life that they had. They were happy. And they were confusing.  
  
How could they have this happiness when they weren't... they weren't... strong? But did being strong make people happy? Shishio was happy. He seemed to find happiness. Himura had found happiness and he wanted happiness for others too. Was happiness the answer to his problems? Did happiness mean having acceptance? What was he searching for?  
  
Life. He wanted to live. To have a life.** Smiling**. A life for his own and his own purpose. His very own life and no one else's. How marvelous. He just had to find it. A life for his own. But where could he get life? He didn't think he could buy it. So where could he get it? Where was life of his own? Life had to be somewhere. He just had to find it.  
  
But finding it would be difficult.  
  
He reached the crossroads of the hallway. Which was to go? To the noisier, bustling part of the house? Or the quieter, silent part of the house? Left or right?  
  
Avoid what you don't have and you won't feel envy. He picked the quieter route. But even as the sounds faded behind him, he still envied what he didn't have. The longing for the happiness of life that these people seemed to have. That was so elusive to him. Always out of reach, it danced onwards. Taunting him. Distant but still seen. Soujirou couldn't catch up to the happiness. It remained without him.  
  
A door to the outside was near. He could hear the sounds of the outside and nature. Soujirou rushed forward. Smile brightening. The joyful escape from this house. This house that evoked his thoughts to be so reflective. This house that like Mister Himura made him think of his past. The house was very much like Mister Himura indeed. Perhaps the house was somehow related to Mister Himura? It seemed unlikely but anything and everything was possible.  
  
He opened the door to the outside. A bright ray of sunlight blinded him for a moment. Another gentler yellow wave of sunshine beckoned him. The warmth of the sun brought feelings of contentment to Soujirou. A soft tinkling of water soothed his sense. A light breeze rustled his hair briefly. For that moment in time Soujirou closed his eyes and smiled. All was well and he could leave. He stepped forward.  
  
"Where are you going?"

* * *

**Disclaimer:** _You must be kidding? Me? But if you giving it to me, well... You're not? Oh sorry, then I don't own it. So no money either.  
_  
**AN:** _Thank you to all the people who have reviewed. Please do so again! _


	7. Mine Only

Chapter Seven  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
The voice shocked him out of his previous thoughts and he turned still smiling face in the direction of the rather shrill, possibly more than likely feminine voice. To no surprise, not much at least, it was Chieko.  
  
Her expression was hard to read and with Soujirou's limited control over his own emotions (it came as a shock to Soujirou that he couldn't control he emotions, truly it had shocked him), he really hadn't been expecting someone to show so many different emotions. Soujirou didn't understand why people had so many emotions. It just made things more confusing. And the way the emotions affected people had Soujirou confused too.  
  
But sometimes it seemed so clear. This of course wasn't that often and soon vanished. Emotions could lead to happiness. Soujirou couldn't see how that was possible but, really, it seemed like a good idea. Very confusing.  
  
Chieko steeped back and placed her hands in front of her body. Her body was rigid but soon it relaxed, and tensed up again. She took a deep breath and opened her moth to speak, "I'm sorry for being so rude. It's no business of mine. Please forgive me." She bowed towards Soujirou.  
  
"Um. There is no need. There was no rudeness. You had every right. I am an uninvited guest who has invaded on your hospitality. I am the one who should be apologizing. Please forgive me." He bowed towards her.  
  
There was a brief silence while both people stood bowing. To an outsider it would seem quite strange. But the silence was broken by a soft sigh. "We are both to be forgiven as we are both at fault. I see myself as the one further in shame but let us forget this talk of forgiveness as both of us have forgiven however unwisely. But please tell why you are leaving. It may be the repayment for the hospitality my household has shown you." Chieko seemed to be trying not to smile.  
  
"Well I suppose it won't cause any harm," he smiled more so, "I don't wish to be a further hinder to your household and your resources. It is also time for me to continue my journey. I hope I haven't caused you any trouble." Soujirou tilted his head to his side, his bangs briefly covering his face from view. He vision obscured. He righted his head.  
  
"I don't really have a right to stop you. But Soujirou?" she lifted her hopeful eyes at him, "Please could you stay here for a moment? I will be back soon. You won't leave will you?" she lowered her head.  
  
"No. I'll just wait here." As soon as those words were said Chieko had left him alone. Her quickened footsteps coming shadows of their former sounds fast.  
  
So Soujirou stood there. Being a former assassin he had the skills for patience and focusing on one thing at a time. Usually this was the target but he wasn't on a mission to kill someone, so he decided to focus on tree.  
  
It was a nice tree he supposed. Greenish leaves which was good. Through he didn't think the colours of the tree were entirely normal or natural. Was it supposed to be that particular shade? Could be? Soujirou groaned. Why did the simplest things have to be so confusing? Then that made it more confusing.  
  
It was a mess he couldn't escape. But one that he wanted with all his heart. It was too bad that this would never happen. The fates had decided that a confused Soujirou was a cute Soujirou.  
  
"Soujirou? Why are you looking at the tree like?" Soujirou whirled around, blinking at the curious face of Chieko, "Ah, well, I."  
  
"I'm sorry. Please forgive me. It was rude of me to ask." Soujirou smiled warmly at her with relief.  
  
"No worries. No worries at all."  
  
"Good! Well from what I have gathered you seem to be about to go on a journey. But I noticed you don't have any supplies. Nothing but your clothing you are wearing right now. So l thought you might need this," reaching from behind her back she revealed a small bag, "I know it is not much but it was all I could get in the time period. It contains a spare set of clothes. They used to belong to my cousin but he out grew them," I'm not that short. Soujirou smiled.  
  
"Some sen and a couple days worth of food." Giving him the food she stood back a small smile on her face.  
  
"Soujirou. Soujrou Seta. It was a nice experience meeting you," she grinned, "Even through all the moments of our being in the same room were not all pleasant. I will have something to say when I meet with Kameko and Shina – " Her voice broke off suddenly. "I didn't mean it like that, it was nice to know you!" she was blushing quite heavily.  
  
Soujirou (of course) didn't really understand but just smiled at her. Later he would reflect that this was not the best thing to do.  
  
"Yes. I just want to say... Goodbye. Goodbye Soujirou. It was quite pleasing meeting you and I hope that some day we meet again. Goodbye Soujirou," smiling she gave him a quick bow before turning around and beginning to leave.  
  
"Chieko?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Goodbye Chieko."  
  
"Goodbye Soujirou."

* * *

So he had begun his journey.  
  
Or had he started it before but when he had passed out it had been detoured? It could be either really. What was his journey, his wandering across Japan supposed to do to him? Was it going to turn him into Mister Himura? That is it? Soujirou imagined himself as Kenshin Himura. Oro!  
  
Soujirou's smile twisted slightly. He didn't think it suited him that well, plus, he didn't have red hair and purple eyes. He did have the height through. Or lack of.  
  
The road was long. Won't be paved and straight. It might twist and turn and bend this way and that. But Soujirou was thinking that in the end that it would be worth it.  
  
He hadn't yet experienced the real hardships of travel. Shishio had always provided him with transport and money but now he was on his own and he didn't have that support. He would have to find food for himself. The generosity of Chieko couldn't last forever. He would have to work. The smile continued.  
  
But he wanted to choose the work. He could do what he wanted. He didn't have to haul rice. He didn't have to kill people. He could do anything! Anything!  
  
His life was his own. He no longer had the support of Shishio or his demanding family but he had himself. The life that had seemed so meaningless in the past was his own. All his and no one else's. He might not like the new dangers and discomforts of the future but this was his life. All his.  
  
The life that had been wanted by others, disgusted by others, discarded by others and enslaved by others was his. His alone.  
  
Now he had only to figure out all these emotions and everything would be perfect.  
  
But now he had a life of his own and he can live it.  
  
Especially now that happiness seemed so close.  
  
Soujirou continued onwards with a genuine smile on his face.

* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin. I do not make any profits. This is simply for enjoyment.  
  
AN: Well it's over. I want to thank all the people who have reviewed and the people who have read 'Dawning Emotions'. I will be writing some others RK fanfiction, but that won't be for a while. Any confusion in seeing this chapter can be related to the ff.n problems experienced recently. Bye bye darlings! Please Review! 


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